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Beer News – 10/29/2012

Beer News for October 29th, 2012

I haven’t done a beer news post in quite a long time, so here goes.

The Chicago Tribune is reporting that at least 15 Chicago-area Chipotle restaurants will begin serving real craft beer. Chicago’s own 5 Rabbit Brewery will get a chance to have their Mexican beer next to big names like Dos Equis and Corona. I can’t say I’ve ever had anything from 5 Rabbits, but dare I say, it’s most likely better than Corona. It can’t be worse, that’s for sure. Here’s a little rant for those of you who drink Corona. I have a buddy who used to work for ADT (the security people); he used to be a salesman and he would have to go to all the factories on the South and West side’s of the city. Corona has a distribution warehouse somewhere in the City, he said they keep ALL of their beer crates sitting out in the sunlight all day during the summer, in a warehouse with no air conditioning. That means not only is your beer tainted by the sunlight itself, it probably boils. Ew.

There’s a good beer festival next weekend here in Chicago at the Riverfront Theater. Beerhoptacular runs November 9th and 10th, 2012. The festival is split up into 3 sessions, 1 on Friday and 2 on Saturday. Tickets are $45 for each session until day of event. Drop me a line if you’re going to be there, we’ll share a beer!


  • November 9th & 10th, 2012 (Friday/Saturday)
  • 650 West Chicago Avenue, Chicago, IL 60654
  • Price: $45 per session

I know I have been away for quite a long time…I’ll be back with a new beer review soon! Cheers!

Coors Light

Coors Light Beer Review

Coors Light Beer ReviewBack in the early 70s – the 1870’s – Adolph Coors, founder of Coors Brewing Co., infamously stated, “Water makes the beer!”  Finding refuge in the small town of Golden, CO, Coors built his empire at the base of the Rockies; tapping the mountain range for its clear, crisp water.  Fast-forward a century into Generation ‘Me’ where, as writer Tom Wolfe so eloquently describes them, “whining bitches” and “lazy, pot-bellied trust-fund kids” run rampant.  In response to the demanding requests for healthier options, Coors gives the people what they want: off-color, carbonated water!  Err, I meant light beer!

Upon its introduction into the United States market in 1978, residents of Colorado praised the brewery for the “crisp, clean taste” of Coors Light.  Manhattan resident, Hugh Wallace said, “It’s like drinking beer, but without all of the calories.”  However, while some were showering the new brew with praise, others were more skeptical.  Chicago Tribune columnist, Dan Monaghan asked, “Is Coors Light beer?” and Sacramento resident, Richard Chase said, “…nice pH level, but [it] needs more plasma and fatty acids.”  While a division emerged early on, Coors’ light brew stood the test of time; as it is currently one of America’s most-consumed beers.  Here’s what we have to say about it in the beer review!

It poured nicely – smooth, like water running from my tap.  I was taken aback by the beautiful, golden, almost piss-like color of the beer.  Compared with some of the other brews we’ve reviewed, this one is quite carbonated, and impressed us with its generous fingernail of head, which quickly dissipated.  I would liken the smell of Coors Light with that of the cold, Rocky air – clean.  In all fairness, there was hardly any smell to speak of; even with your nose practically submerged in it.  While the lack of “smell” in the air is nice, I do prefer beers with pleasant aromatics.  A beer without some sort of hoppy, grainy, yeasty…[et cetera] aroma is a sign of a weak beer, weak ingredients, or both.

Unfortunately, the taste is sort of like the smell – non-existent.  It tasted somewhat flat, despite the abundance of carbonation.  Sure, there were some minor notes of grain, but nothing distinguishable or noteworthy.  The drinkability of this beer is decent, but why shouldn’t it be?  What’s the drinkability of water?

Alright, so we’ve been knockin’ on this beer pretty hard, but there are some good things about it: you’ll fit right in with all the other douchebags at the party.  Joking aside, Coors Light is amongst the cheapest beers available, and is often featured in drink specials at local restaurants and bars.  If you want to drink, but have been impacted by the recent economic downturn, perhaps you should give this a try.  I’d recommend pairing this beer with some salty, fried food to counterbalance the low-calorie, lightness of the beer – you know, sort of like coffee and cigarettes.  For those of you in decent economic standing, I’d prepare yourself with another brew for when you inevitably run out of Coors Light.  It’s safe to say that while Coors Light might be the “Coldest Tasting Beer In The World,” it certainly isn’t the best!

Prominent Coors Light enthusiasts include: James Van Der Beek, Sir Edmund Hillary, and Douglas Gardner.  So, if you’re stuck in the 90s, stuck on a mountain, or stuck at a red light, this beer is for you.  [Note: We do not encourage drinking and driving.  Keep it legal!]

I know what you’re thinking: this review is hogwash!  Alright, you got me, anonymous Internet user and/or beer enthusiasts.  So everything stated in this review might not be true; guilty!  But, can you blame me?  I’m pretty buzzed – I’m on my 11th Coors Light.


Beer Rating:
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On a lighter note, even lighter than Coors Light, sent me a cool Coors Light t-shirt. Thanks!

They actually have quite a nice selection of beer t-shirts! I’m sure you can even create your own. Check ’em out!


Shortly after they acquired Goose Island, AB InBev is making another bogus move. The Illinois General Assembly heard a proposed bill this week that would allow small craft breweries in Illinois to distribute their own beers, AB wants to block this from happening. This would be great for those breweries that want to expand and expose their beers to a new market without getting involved with big corporate companies like Goose Island is doing now.

Currently beer gets to consumers by going through three different mediums: manufacturers, distributors and retailers. They claim this system helps keep one entity from dominating the entire market, but it effectively denies craft breweries from going directly to a bar or pub with their beer; they need pay money to hire a distributor. Apparently AB has been trying to gain market share and distribution rights in Chicago for quite some time, but was denied through court proceedings. Anheuser-Busch claimed this was discriminating to out-of-state brewers and somehow convinced a judge the ruling was wrong. Our corporate judicial system at work again. Dicks.

If the law is so discriminating, how come I can go to the liquor store and buy craft beer from Michigan, Indiana, California and countless other out-of-state breweries?

Basically what’s going to happen is that AB will control more distribution rights in Chicago and the rest of Illinois. This will make it harder for craft breweries to get their beers out there because you know AB won’t market these beers like they do their crappy watered-down piss in cans. We can also assume that AB would charge these small breweries too much for them to afford getting their beer distributed, so they won’t even have a chance in the first place.

I want to know what the owners of AB drink. You can rest assured it’s not Budweiser. If it is, gross. Why would you deny great beer from being manufactured and distributed? Money. What little money these craft breweries would be making is already destined to be in AB’s already fat pockets. God forbid we have the chance to drink good, new beer that hasn’t been around because by law it wasn’t allowed.


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